They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
