my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
