shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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