Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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