I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
