Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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