I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
