i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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