The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
