Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
