I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
