I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize