Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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