How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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