Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I checked into jail on foursquare
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
