yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
