He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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