Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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