Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
