New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
