if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
