Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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