remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
