Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
