It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
