I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
