Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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