So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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