I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize