tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
