You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
