why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
