i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
