my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
