Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
