So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
