i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
