my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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