Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
