The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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