Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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