i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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