Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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