put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
