Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
