I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
