She said her name was "party"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
