I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize