i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
