I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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