Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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