I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
