Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
