I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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