he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
