Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
