i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
