I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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