Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
