i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's blow job season.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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