Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
40s are totally the cure
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
